By Kim Hawk
In an effort to be connected and for safety reasons, most of us own and utilize cell phones. Although it has accomplished the above we are often neglecting the people we are in the room with. I enjoy the opportunity to check on my teenager at any given moment, and to be able to call Dean and add something to the grocery list. But it is so sad to see a couple at dinner and they are both on their cell phones with other people!!! Just as horrible is the father I saw in the orthodontist waiting room with his teenage daughter who spent the ENTIRE time on the phone. What a missed opportunity to connect with her.
There comes a time in any technological revolution when some basic guidelines need to be laid down. It happened when e-mail exploded on the scene and people started to learn some basic do's and don'ts around the new medium.
Well, I've reached the point with cell phones where I feel the need to lay down some helpful guidelines. There are some real abuses of wireless technology being perpetrated all around us, and the time has come to create some social order out of the cell phone chaos. As ministers and church leaders it's time for us to set the example. This is by no means an exhaustive list simply because as the technology evolves, new annoying traits will surely emerge. Like the gym having to ask people not to bring camera phones into the locker rooms. But commandments usually come in tens, so think of this as the first Ten Commandments of cell phone etiquette, with possible amendments someday:
1. Thou shalt not subject defenseless others to your cell phone conversations. When people cannot escape your conversation, such as on the bus, in a waiting room, on an airplane, in the elevator, or at a restaurant, you should spare them. People around you should have the option of not listening. Stand 10 feet away from others when speaking briefly on your cell phone. Sensitivity to other peoples' needs and comforts is a sign of good character.
2. Thou shalt utilize voicemail. Where was it written that we must answer every call regardless of where we are at or what we are doing. Voicemail is awesome and easy to use. Why not simply change your voicemail to reflect your values. "Hi this is Kim, I'm going to be in several meetings this afternoon and unable to answer my phone. Please leave your message and I will check my messages when I'm out of the meeting." Now people don't feel like you are avoiding them or being rude by not answering. Or how about this one guys, "I'm out on a date with my wife and I want her to have my undivided attention. Unless this is an emergency I'm going to call you back tomorrow." Your values will teach others. Just be sure you do return your calls within an appropriate amount of time.
3. Thou shalt not cell yell. "Can you hear me now?" is an
everyday experience, yet we somehow feel that if
we yell or talk really loud that it will make the
connection better. If your signal cuts out,
speaking louder won't help, unless the person is
actually within earshot. These things have
incredibly sensitive microphones - let them do the
work for you.
4. Thou shalt beware of the content of thy conversations. Ministry and people issues must be kept confidential and private. Too often I hear things about people that I don't want to know by someone who doesn't realize we all can hear everything they are saying. Be up front with people by saying, "There are some things I need to discuss with you on that issue but I would rather do it when I am in private." People will love and respect you for it.
5. Thou shalt not dial and talk while driving. Use a headset, but if talking on a cell phone still distracts you (you know who you are) then use the time for something else. Some people are better at juggling many tasks at the same time than others, but there are some things in life that deserve your full attention. Some of you are taking multi-tasking to a whole new level. There are enough people in the world who have problems mastering vehicles and phones individually. Put them together and we have a serious health hazard on our hands.
6. Thou shalt not wear thy earpiece when thou art not on thy phone. Besides looking like a growth is coming out of your head it really confuses the rest of us. When you are with a group of people, out with friends, or hanging in the church lobby after a service take it off. It gives the appearance that others are more important than the ones you are with. When you have it on and start talking to someone on the phone we think you're talking to us. But NOOOO you make us feel stupid when we answer, "Sure, I would love to go get something to eat."
7. Thou shalt turn thy cell phone off during public meetings, performances, and presentations. There is nothing more irritating than a cell phone going off during a church service, recital, or movie. The frazzled look of "Oops, I forgot!" doesn't cut it any more. Turning your cell phone to "off or silent" should be as natural as sitting down in the chair. As youth pastors and leaders in the church, make sure you are focusing on the people you are with before and after a service rather than a random phone call coming in.
8. Thou shalt not use thy cell phone for long conversations. 
Once again this applies when you are out in public with live people. Be brief. Keep the call short and don't be afraid to politely explain that you are not where you can discuss things or talk extensively. Those you are with will appreciate it.
9. Thou shalt turn thy cell phone off. Just 15 years ago the average American was not available or "on call" 24-7. It was amazing then. People had to be patient and wait for you to get back to the office or get home to speak with you. Cell phones are addictive. Many of you sound like an alcoholic. "I can stop any time I want. I can quit. I can lay it down." Reality is you are compulsive and addicted. Turn the phone off and enjoy the evening with your family. I recently lost my phone for 2 days and it was amazing. The world continued to function and it was actually quite enjoyable. Do you really want to be available all the time? Does that truly make you more productive, or does it just spread the productivity thinner over more time? I once read a study of supermarkets vying to stay open longer than their competition. They found that beyond a point they were not necessarily increasing business, but rather spreading it out. And expensively so. Keep in mind, the more available you make yourself the more available everyone will expect you to be. People will actually be miffed if you are not instantly and constantly available rather than being pleased when you do call.
10. Thou shalt turn down the volume on the earpiece. There is nothing more awkward or even embarrassing than when the volume is up so high on your phone that everyone around you can hear what the other person is saying to you.
Good manners is the key to all of these commandments. Be considerate to others and mostly to your family. They are worth it. It may also be a good idea to teach your students some of these principles as well.
Kim Hawk
My question is not only to inspire the person I'm with but it is also selfish. If you have read a great book that made you a better, person, spouse, believer, leader, parent, or pastor, I want to know about it. It is vital that we continue to grow and expand. I know...I know... I can hear you from 7600 feet in Colorado. "But I don't like to read!" Join the club, neither do I. I didn't like most vegetables as a kid either, but now there are only a few I refuse. What happened? The taste was acquired. The same is true for reading. Make it a goal this year to read at least one book per month.
If it helps you out, I have been in ministry for over 24 years and I don't play golf. Don't feel like you have to fit into the mold and don't feel like you have to exclude your spouse and/or family. Kim and I are going to try ballroom dancing, we like to go skiing as a family, my kids and I love to play pool, my son Preston and I sit in the hot tub several nights a week, I enjoy lifting and working out, and I had a blast playing on the church softball team. Whatever rings your bell and recharges your battery make sure you take the time to do it on a regular basis. Some of you have a boat that only sees water when it rains. Get out and make some time. Maybe it's time for a change? Look into taking a class at your local community college on a subject that interests you...photography, welding, cooking, horticulture...who knows? I pray that your new year is blessed in every way!
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattle snake. "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby. "I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say" the victim cries. "He says you're gonna die."
Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children." St. Peter lets him enter. The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." St Peter tells him to go ahead.